Many times in my writing I ask men to try to understand how women feel out in the world, to take a walk in their shoes, to try on a different perspective to understand their own privilege.
I believe exercising those empathy muscles is what helps us be better, kinder human beings, but it’s not fair of me to ask without trying to reciprocate.
Sometimes I send a “thanks but no thanks” to particularly sweet messages, but usually I’m so overwhelmed by the new things to read and the new choices in front of me that I ignore those nice guys too.
Basically, I act like an entitled jerk who can pull puppet strings and make Ok Cupid dance for me however I please. I don’t have to, and so I don’t make myself go through the scary exercise of asking for consideration and possibly being rejected or ignored.
Why do I not respond politely to every message, even the ones I’m not interested in? Once we make it out of the safe cocoon of the Internet and into the real world I’m better about aligning my actions with my values.
You will ask her to meet up “in real life.” At the bar, you will chat nervously for an hour (she is not as pretty or as funny as you had hoped she’d be), and then you will be saddled with the check even though she ate most of the sweet potato fries.There is plenty of privilege to go around, and while I spend a lot of time thinking about the big things I’m afforded due to my lucky draw, the little things I get are worth considering too.I hypothesize that it will feel shitty to spend time on a nice note and to be ignored, but I don’t know, because I haven’t really tried.You will try to split it, but he will pay, and you will stand to re-wrap yourself against the frigid wind.You will part ways, and you will probably, almost certainly, begin again the next day with another “Hey there…” message from the next contender.I think it’s about time I try to understand my digital privilege. Our experts have research numerous options and have narrowed them down to the top .But every day, when I log into the dating site of my choice, I play the passive role, the receiver of attention, the awaiter of messages.I go to my inbox and see who wants to talk to me and then I choose to whom I’ll respond.I tell all my single guy friends to watch out for online dating.It is a sad, soul-crushing place where good guys go to die a slow death by way of ignored messages and empty inboxes.