It’s like asking, “Am I giving him too many blowjobs? ” Well, as long as he’s enjoying them, there is no upper limit to how many blowjobs you’re allowed to give him.
Similarly, if every time that you call him you make him feel like a trillion bucks, there’s really no upper limit to how often you can call him. She does crave companionship and connection — sometimes more than her man.
So, the brief answer to your burning question is that you’re overthinking it (surprise! I mean, your letter’s twists and turns and decisions and revisions that reverse themselves make a Six Flags roller coaster seem like a stroll down a grocery aisle.
As the fear of losing him as opposed to the joy of having him around. If you cruise down the highway thinking “I really don’t want to crash”, what’s going to happen? And if you think “I really don’t want to come off as needy and drive him away”, you are probably going to come off as needy and drive him away. So instead of thinking “I don’t want to lose him” (which is the root of why you want to call him, needily, and also why you don’t want to call him, so you don’t seem needy, which is still neediness), think, “Gosh, I really like my man and I’d like to speak to him and convey to him how great he is and how much I appreciate him and love talking to him!
Here it is: It really frustrates me that when I don’t see him, that we barely speak on the phone…It’s just that I would like to talk to him more when I’m not able to see him and when I don’t, I feel disconnected.
I think it’s partially my fault, since following your advice, I got out and dated more than one guy at the beginning and did not call the guys but generally waited for them to call (new concept for me and it actually worked, thanks! Eventually he rose to the top and we started dating exclusively and I continued to let him initiate most of the calls but now I don’t know if he’s gotten ‘settled in’, but when I don’t see him, he doesn’t call that often.
I also followed your Tao of Dating principles, which was beyond enlightening for me, as it turned the tables and made me responsible for doing my own housework and trying to be the goddess and I still think ‘What would a goddess do?
If you had a bad day and you really want to talk to your guy, call him.Meaning that you’re laughing at your own writing, which seems mighty unlikely. Or ‘SMHWTMH’ — scratch my head while twirling my hair.As in, “We had a great first date — why hasn’t he called me yet (SMHWTMH)? That’s reserved for authentic guffaws and funny cat pictures.So as soon as you’re in an established intimate relationship, decide how often you want to speak to him, and establish that as a baseline.In other words, create a baseline according to perceive them: “Oh, he’s a guy, he wants to go in his cave, I really don’t want to bother him, let him be free etc.” Now you’re calling him every other day — say, Mon, Wed, Fri (Scenario B). And if they aren’t compatible with his needs, maybe you shouldn’t be together anyway.Your advice has helped me tremendously in being able to finally a great guy!! We have been exclusive for four months and just recently went on a fabulous trip.We have great communication, great attraction, share the same values, have fun together, etc. We see each other as much as possible, however with his child and my work schedule, it’s sometimes not as much as we would like.It’s not that I never hear from him, there is the occasional text, call etc., but for a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship, it’s less calling than I’m used to and although everyone is different with how much they call, I think even a goddess might get a little hurt/annoyed by this behavior lol.And I do call occasionally and it’s always a good conversation so maybe I’m blowing the whole thing out of proportion, but I feel like if he doesn’t call that maybe he’s not thinking about me, or that a boyfriend ‘should’ call more because he wants to, but I know not to get into ‘should’ thinking!! 1) Should I just call him more if I want to talk and not worry about it seeming aggressive or overbearing cuz I am his girlfriend anyway and not one that would call 5 times a day anyway, we’re talking once every couple days or 2) should I should just suck it up and continue to not call him that much, knowing guys need their space and their cave and try not to let past insecurities get in my way but just continue to be the goddess and enjoy what I do have with this great guy or 3) can I just talk to him about this without sounding needy?That’s being in your yin energy, your feminine essence, and it’s hot.Jill’s letter astutely observes another principle: there is a developmental arc to the frequency of contact and who’s initiating it. So here are some quick guidelines on getting your guy on the line: 1) Early on, let call you first.