In other words, get married for the sake of righteousness, because you want to live a righteous life. the mechanism that God has put in us to draw us together. Jim: We’ve described infatuation, but I’m still not sure on what the definition is. And here’s some key markers for somebody who’s head over heels in an infatuation. My anniversary, thanking her for how she’s stood behind me and beside me and with me all those years. In fact, one Boundless show listener recently told us this: “Brio Magazine guided me through high school and now Boundless is accompanying me through young adulthood.Nowhere in Scripture is the sense that there’s just ... And then, we’ve gotta move it quickly to something else. Part of what I just said, that you tend to focus on your beloved’s better traits and you minimize their flaws. Every Thursday when the podcast releases, there’s something I need to hear that I wouldn’t have thought to look into myself. And I think back to those old bracelets, WWJD, “What Would Jesus Do? I want you to think back on what did dad do when he dated and do the opposite. Now God in His enormous grace and kindness, provided a ... and when I look back at my high school and even college dating years, there’s a lot I would rather my kids not do. I think I was driven by other concerns that weren’t spiritually based.Those things that our culture values, that’s not the “why” of marriage. And so, if we don’t know the “why,” we can’t know whether somebody qualifies as a good “who.”Jim: Gary, with that in mind, should a couple wait a couple of years so that infatuation stage passes them and their clarity comes and the fog of the moment uh ... Gary: I’m asked that all the time, Jim and here’s the thing.The Bible doesn’t give us a calendar and so, I don’t want to create one. This’ll be a challenge and this’ll be a challenge and this is his strength and this is his strength and this is ... Gary, let’s also come back to this idea of finding the No.And the key verse in this, I believe, that’s pretty definitive is 1 Corinthians , when Paul is talking to widows. And so, SOLE MATE, is just walking out the biblical commands of loving, walking out the biblical command of serving God in His kingdom. Jim: Gary, we’re comin’ in for a landing and uh ... Next to becoming a Christian, marrying him was the best decision I ever could’ve made.”And what she said is that life has been very, very difficult, but it’s been better because she chose a good man to walk through this life with. And what will matter most is faith and character, being filled with the Spirit, having the wisdom of Scripture, invested inyour family. Jesus knew what He was talking about with Matthew . And meanwhile, get a CD or a download of our discussion today.
Gary: Well, when we were raisin’ our kids and we’re, like John, we have three adult children from 26... a woman that has been a blessing for 28 years, that I couldn’t have dreamed of.
I have been blessed literally every day of my life because of one decision I made as a single man that I wanted to marry Lisa. Gary: Youknow, if you buy a house you don’t like, well, you’re take a financial hit, but eventually you can save up and move into another neighborhood. And if singles want to make one wise decision in their life, next to becoming a Christian, this is the one that has to be thoughtful, with their eyes wide open, with counsel, driven by the truth of Scripture and not, frankly, I think the many ridiculous and misleading message that the world gives us. you know, in part, you’re talking about the distinction between covenant and contract, which you talk about with marriage.
And I’ve seen so many people that went through a broken process and didn’t end up with a mate that is an encourager, that is a godly person. and the challenge is, as you hinted at, this is a consequential decision. a good marriage is like the gift that keeps on giving. It becomes a part of your history, a part of your life.
You know, somebody does something innocuous, a guy and a gal are in a college cafe. And he picks it up instead of just leaving it there. You reorder daily priorities so that you can always be together. you think about this person to an obsessive degree. a few weeks, but you can’t get them out of your mind. It takes over your mental thoughts and you become obsessed with this person. If you know it can’t last more than 12 to 18 months, why would you connect yourself to someone for five or six decades? You said, just because you’re with someonedoesn’t mean you should seriously consider marrying them. That’s what we value most and even a woman who had been burnt living by that philosophy, was ready to make a third decision on the same basis. Stop by to find the book that we’re talking about and downloads of the conversation as we continue here. Gary, you talked about a study that really showed the value that women in particular, place on romantic love. It’s interesting at a college setting a woman said to me ... Don’t you want your daughters ...” ‘cause I have two daughters of marriageable age, “Don’t you want them to be in love with the man on their wedding day? I want to be walking my daughter down the aisle toward a man that she respects, because respect is something that grows. I want her to walk down the aisle toward a man who will die for his family, who will be engaged with their kids, because when she has kids, she’s gonna care for them in a way she can’t even imagine caring for those kids now.“And the thing that will thrill her heart the most is if he’s involved and there for her family.” And I said, “I want her to marry a man who is so strong and selfless in his love, that if she gets cancer and loses all her hair, he will kiss her bald head and make her believe she is the most beautiful woman on the face of the earth.”John: Hm. Gary: And I said, “If she’s walking up the aisle toward a man like that and doesn’t have a lot of feelings, I’m gonna say, “Honey, it really doesn’t matter.” But if I’m walkin’ her up the aisle toward a man who has none of that, but she says she’s head-over-heels, I’ll be doing my best to pull her out the back door. On behalf of Jim Daly and the entire team, thanks for listening to Focus on the Family.
And really what I think, another way to describe [it] is, it makes you feel desperate, fearful and clingy. (Laughter) You’re afraid that they won’t love you back. One of the saddest things I’ve heard as a pastor is a woman who admitted she got married primarily on infatuation. And it seems like there’ve been some changes over the years in that regard. there have been and when you look historically just a few gen ... ”And I said, “You know, I get what you’re saying and in a perfect world, romance is a wonderful thing. If he’s a respectable man, her affection for him will increase.“Iwant her to walk down the aisle toward a man who’s pursuing God because his wisdom will grow. And be with us again next time as we help you thrive in Christ. He has also written numerous articles for several prominent national magazines.